they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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