Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
