I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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