Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
