You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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