Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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