i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
