Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Randomize
