Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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