The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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