Clothes are such an inconvenience.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize