Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
