We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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