They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
