Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
