maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
