hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize