Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
