It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to sanitize my soul.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
