How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
