I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
