u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
