Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
