someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
