they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
