11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
