My room smells like vodka and shame
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
