Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Come on in and take your pants off
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