I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
