Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i will never coherently bang her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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