I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
