just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
