I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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