Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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