I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
