Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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