So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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