I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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