I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
