im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
