Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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