i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there was a trapeze. enough said
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
