Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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