the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
