i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
