I am spending my child support on dildos
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Come on in and take your pants off
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