I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
