I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
