So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
