He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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