Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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