It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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