Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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