its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
