Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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