Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
