i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
