he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize