You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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