i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
