Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
