Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found the puke drawer
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He has the fingertips of a God
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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