First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize