If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
