Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
