remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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