So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
