Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
