I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
