The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
