He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
