my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
