Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
