He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
