Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
