Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
