Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
